Ch. 3: Lady and Gentleman

“Well, here’s room 118. Social relations class,” announced Dolphy.
    Jim looked at the shiny nameplate that was set to the right of the door. It read:
   
Room 118: Socialism and Etiquette Class
Ms. Dorna Puffit

   “Oh great,” muttered Jim. He had never cared for learning proper manners and propriety but Captain Amelia had insisted that he take the course for her sake and the sake of his future employer. Jim rolled in eyes in annoyance.
  “Jim… look.” Dolphy was pointing at another sign below the one Jim had just read. It said in big bold letters:

NO PETS, FOOD OR OTHER DISTRACTIONS ALLOWED!
  
   “You’ll have to take Morphy back to the dorm Jim, or she’ll lock him up for sure!” said Dolphy with a worried look on her face. Morphy took one look at the sign and hid in Jim’s uniform coat pocket.
   Jim glanced at Dolphy and bit his lip nervously.
   “I can’t take him back to the dorm Dolphy, there’s not enough time!”
   “What’ll you do then?” she asked. “The final bell will ring any minute!”
   Jim thought for a few seconds before an idea came to him. He scratched Morphy’s head and the little shape-shifter looked at him with big frightened eyes. Jim bent down and whispered something to Morphy. After giving a little salute, Morphy changed himself into a plain wooden ruler. Jim lifted the “Morphy” ruler out of his pocket and stuck it in one of his textbooks.  
  “Brilliant!” exclaimed Dolphy. “It’s a perfect disguise!”
  “Shh,” warned Jim, winking at her. He then proceeded into the classroom as if nothing unusual had happened and Dolphy followed suit. The room looked fairly similar to all the other classrooms they had passed on the way there. At the front there was a black board with the date written on it in neat, curvy handwriting. Posters about etiquette covered half of the walls and books on manners, gestures, body language, business dealings and other “socialism” topics lined the shelves. Jim looked at all the texts numbly; he had a feeling this class was going to be downright horrible. Although he didn’t know it, Dolphy was thinking the exact same thing. Jim and Dolphy found two desks at the very back of the class and sat down. A few seconds later students stopped filing into the room and everyone who was a part of the class had taken a seat, that is, all except the teacher, who still hadn’t arrived. This caused a lot of whispering among students, who didn’t dare to talk aloud even when there was no one to reprimand them, as if they suspected they were being secretly watched.  
   “I wonder where the teacher is,” Dolphy murmured.
  As if on cue, the door at the front of the classroom opened and a small figure walked daintily into the room, the heels of her shoes making a light tapping noise when they hit the floor after every step. When she had reached the front of the classroom she stopped and turned to the class. Jim looked at the teacher with curiosity, at least what he could see of her from where he was sitting. She was small to be sure, and probably would only go up to his elbow if he was standing next to her. Her arms were very pudgy and stumpy, like those of a plushie and ended in chubby little fingers with fingernails that were painted a rosy shade of pink. Her round belly was held in by a white satin sash and she had pointed ears like a pig. To be honest, she looked very much like a pig, except her snout was very small and she had hands instead of trotters. She was wearing a puffy pink dress and the small amount of hair she had on her head was done up in a neat little bun.        
   “Good morning ladies and gentleman,” said the petite teacher in a high, squeaky voice. She paused after saying this, as if expecting a reply. The class stared dumbly at her until someone finally broke the ice by mumbling good morning and everyone repeated after the person.  
   “Tisk tisk, I see we need to review the rules about first time meetings,” continued the stout little woman, “but before we get to that I must introduce myself as it wouldn’t be proper not to. I am Ms. Dorna Puffet and I will be teaching you the art of good manners and social relations. I must apologize for my tardiness this morning, but there was a case of bufoonism that needed to be dealt with.”
  Dolphy almost choked in an effort to stop herself from laughing out loud and began coughing violently. Jim jumped up from his seat and began patting her on the back in a desperate effort to help her. After another fit of hacking and wheezing Dolphy managed to get a hold of herself and take a gulp of much needed air.
  “Are you alright my dear?” Ms. Puffet asked in concern.
  “I’m fine thanks,” said Dolphy in a hoarse voice while still trying to suppress a giggle. She smiled at Jim gratefully and he sat back down in his desk relieved.
  Ms. Puffet gave a little sigh and said, “The correct term is “thank you”, my dear, but I’ll let your mistake slide for the present time considering the little episode you just had. In future though, there will be no slang or informal language in this room. Is that clear to everyone?”
  “Yes Ms. Puffet,” echoed the voices of the students.
  “Good, now let us begin today’s lesson, which seems to be very much needed.”
   For the entire hour and a half, the students practised in partners introducing themselves the “proper” way. Naturally, Dolphy and Jim were partners. They chose a spot at the back and copied what Ms. Puffet had shown them in a demonstration, which included a formal greeting, a firm handshake and the stating of one’s name and occupation. They tried to be serious about it for the sake of learning, but they often found themselves turning their “interactions” into a comedy by going over the top. Fortunately, Ms. Puffet didn’t seem to be very observant and never caught on to what Jim and Dolphy were doing.  
   “Good evening Mr. Hawkins,” Dolphy said to Jim, doing a mock curtsey. She shook Jim’s hand gracefully. “My name is Miss Susan Dolphers and I am a student at the Interstellar Academy.”    
  “I bid you good day my esteemed Miss Susan Dolphers,” said Jim half grinning half smirking. “I am Monsieur James Hawkins and I too am a student at the Anterstellar Academy, but I also have an occupation in the business of flattery.”
   Dolphy looked at Jim for one second in silence before they both burst out laughing, but quickly looked serious again when Ms.Puffet passed by. She remarked that it seemed one day they would make a fine lady and gentleman. After Ms.Puffet was out of hearing distance, Dolphy said, “I’ll learn about good business dealings, manners and what not, but I think I’ll pass on being “a lady” “thanks”. I’d rather save my soul.”
  “Yah, I’m not too big on this etiquette stuff either,” said Jim.
  “Why’d you take it then, if you hate it so much?” asked Dolphy.
  “A family friend recommended it…” muttered Jim, scowling.
  “Same here, well… sort of,” said Dolphy. “My high school teacher thought it would be a “good idea” too. Mentioned something about my current manners not being up to par, that puffed up old Grinch… Anyways, he said most students take this course if they’re planning a career like mine so I guess that’s one of the reasons why we’re not the only people who are here.”
  “What career are you interested in?” Jim asked curiously.
  “Well, I’m set on becoming a spacer. I’m not sure what type of ship I’d like to work on but I guess I don’t really have a choice in the matter.  I’m just going to go where there’s work after I graduate,”
  “Same here!” exclaimed Jim.  “It’s been my dream all my life.”
  “That’s interesting,” said Dolphy with raised eyebrows. “I guess we’re more alike than I thought.”
  Their conversation was cut short when Ms. Puffet announced, “Everyone please divert your attention to the front of the class.” Jim and Dolphy turned their gaze to Ms. Puffet along with the rest of the students.
  “Now class,” said Ms. Puffet, “Before the bell rings, which should be any minute, I’d like to thank you all for an outstanding session and remind everyone that they need to bring all the required textbooks for this class from now on as we will be reading from them next day. I hope you all are successful in your remaining classes.”
  Just as Ms. Puffet had said, the bell rang half a minute later and everyone left the room.
“You’d better put Morphy away now Jim,” Dolphy warned. “Even his disguise isn’t foolproof.”
“Nah, don’t worry,” Jim assured her, “he’ll be fine. Won’t you Morphy?”
The “Morphy” ruler in Jim’s textbook twitched as if it were nodding. Dolphy still didn’t agree with Jim but she saw no point in arguing.
“What’s next?” Jim asked Dolphy as they walked down the crowded hall.
“Uh…,” Dolphy fumbled with her tote bag and pulled out her schedule. “Next is technology class.”
  “Great!” said Jim smiling. “Finally a class I’ll like.”
  “Heh… great.” Dolphy tugged on her dolphin necklace nervously.
  Jim noticed Dolphy’s fidgeting.
  “What’s wrong?”
  “Oh uh… nothing. I’m fine.”
  Jim gave Dolphy a scrutinizing look, the one that says “yah, sure you are”.
  “Really,” Dolphy insisted when she saw that Jim didn’t believe her.
  “Whatever you say,” said Jim looking ahead. The pair continued weaving their way through the crowds of students until they found themselves in front of a large metal door with an open padlock on it that was as big as Jim’s hand. On the door there was a large yellow sign that said, “WARNING” in big bold letters accompanied by a simplistic picture of a person being shocked to death.
  “How appealing,” said Dolphy sarcastically, staring at the door with a queer look on her face. Jim too stared at the door in a strange manner. The sign was definitely a bit ominous.
  After a few seconds of stunned silence Jim snapped out his trance and said, “Well let’s go in already before we’re late.”
  “After you,” said Dolphy stepping behind Jim as if to use him as a human shield.
  “Fraidy cat,” Jim laughed teasingly. When he grabbed the door he pretended he was being electrocuted and started shaking violently. His acting was so convincing that Dolphy screamed in alarm. When she realized that Jim had just been messing with her she gave him a light punch in the arm before saying, “Do that again, and I swear, you won’t be able to sleep for a year after I’m through with you!”
  Jim smirked at Dolphy with satisfaction at having fooled her before opening the door. When he suddenly found himself face to face with a horrible monster whose head resembled that of a gigantic fly’s he cried out in fright and jumped backwards, knocking into Dolphy.
  “Jim, what’s the-” hollered Dolphy, her sentence cut short when she fell down with Jim on top of her. Poor bewildered Dolphy didn’t know the cause of Jim’s scare because he was blocking her view of the monster. When Jim was out of her range of vision and she finally laid eyes on the creature, she was too shocked to even cry out.